If you’re on a campus that has no Environmentalist Party (EP), create one! True leaders create their own circumstances. This will allow you to install yourself as the campus’ founding EP President.
Funding:
The EP doesn’t formally have scholarships, but this doesn’t stop you from raising contributions by campaigning. Get lots of pictures of ducks on shores, coated in oil spills. No one can duck the ducks. They’re more effective than fetuses, which people can turn away from because they’re gross. But oil tarred ducks? Quack! Go to a second hand store and buy an old down jacket that has feathers and goose down poking out of it. Rip holes if you have to. You’ll look impoverished, the fluffy down floating out of your clothes will accentuate the state of the oil saturated ducks, and even then, if someone refuses to contribute, thrust an oil can at them and demand that they too squirt oil on YOU. After all, everyone uses oil or they don’t drive a car!
Prof. Lardj P. Enis
You won’t have to pay for transportation. Everyone on campus will know that you object to the polluting of the environment by solo drivers. They’ll be inclined to give you rides, not just to help you, but also to appear “cool with the environment” by having more than one person in their ride.
Hold recycling parties. Everyone brings their own canned beer so you can collect the aluminum cans. A little research on Haiti reveals you can make almost anything out of aluminum can skins. Down there they roof their houses with them, and make purses out of aluminum coke can skins. Think of the industry! Environmental vogue: Your members can make and sell crocheted hats with Budweiser panels; create hip beer can purses, backpacks and briefcases – skirts even! The day after the party, organize your walking dead into dumpster diving competitions to “retract discarded aluminum from the campus waste depositories” before the bums do. If the bums get to this recyclable product first, they just sell it to EVIL corporations who waste it on making profit; whereas, the EP on-campus recycling industry makes durable products that remain used, rather than being caught up in waste cycles that pollute and re-pollute.
Get your degree at Jackass College online!The degree is designed to provide educational opportunities for individuals who need additional education in order to perform job requirements or to advance their professional careers.
Convert this recycling project into an environmental case study. Be bold; invite your professors to the parties. Don’t worry, they won’t actually show up. Not even the Teachers Assistants will show, since they have to avoid co-mingling in order to maintain an impression of status. Nonetheless, these invites can promote B’s to A’s because you are “increasing environmental awareness” through “fund raising rallies.”
Create a class project that measures the effectiveness of on campus EP demonstrations against corporate funding of University projects and buildings. Make sure you schedule these recurring protests during your class hours. You’re working on a school project, and you certainly can’t hold or organize these things at night – which would also require energy sucking nighttime lighting resources!
Enroll in all of the postmodern classes. Fill the margins of your class books with your thoughts, ideas, and reactions to the material, or just about anything else – postmodernists value discontinuity. Hand the entire textbook in for your class work, stating, “Recycling a text book by annotation conserves the wasted marginal space. It is NOT plagiarism, it’s environmentalism.”
Demonstrate until your college allows you to graduate by only taking online courses. On campus requirements unnecessarily waste energy on heating, traveling, and building construction; and damage the environment by using asphalt parking spaces, paper books, notational supplies, and inscription devices. How can any environmental education be valid when it requires excessive waste and pollution? That would be like requiring a religious person to study in Hell!
Don’t forget to build coalitions with other on campus political and advocacy groups, such as the (National Organization for the Repeal of Marijuana Laws) NORML folks. Hemp is a valuable textile resource! Besides, using 100% hemp threads will increase the salability of your line of “Environmental Vogue” products, and earn everyone involved independent study credits in “Entrepreneurship.”
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